Work from home Momma part 2: School begins
So I just dropped my son off at Kindergarten. After 5 and 2/3 years working with him by my side almost every day, now I am here in the quiet.
It is surreal.
Before his existence was known, I knew I wanted to avoid sending him to daycare. I wanted him to grow up more like I did, with a stay-at-home mom. In today’s world, that is a rarity if not downright impossible for many. Even I could not do it without being a working mother. One of the primary reasons I joined MainStreet was because I could work from home and give him something resembling my upbringing.
The first few years were actually the easiest, the years where you can put the baby down and they stay where you put them. Frequent naps helped a lot (both for him and for me).
He was my little secret at work. Very few clients knew my son was at my side while we were on the phone.
Then the pandemic came and changed almost everything. My job did not change at all during the pandemic, but everyone else’s did.
Suddenly, a lot of people were working from home with their kids right next to them. James did not need to be a secret anymore. I loved that. People got it when I said, “Hold on a sec, my son is destroying something, I need to check on that.”
After a time, most people’s lives went back to “normal” but I kept working with James by my side.
It got harder the older he got. I did not anticipate that as much as I should have.
The mom guilt was heavy. James wanted me to play with him all the time and the words “Can you play with me yet?” are very hard to hear all day.
He is my world and I am a very large part of his. Balancing his needs and my job was super stressful.
But you know what?
I would not change it.
I did it. I achieved my goal of avoiding daycare and giving him the best preschool years I could.
Through a pandemic, a divorce, and a move, I did it. I did not do it perfectly, but perfect parenting is a pipe dream anyway.
Today my office manager went off to school for the first time. I cried a lot. Thankfully I could hold it in until I got outside, and he could not see.
I know this is the best thing and the right thing at this time in our lives. I will be able to work while he is in school and give him more attention when he is home because my work will be mostly done.
I can’t help but mourn the loss of my little baby as he grows into the kid he is and will be. But that’s what happens with kids. They never stop growing and I have loved and will continue to love every version of this tiny human I helped create.
I am also very proud of myself for doing it. 5 and 2/3 years went by so fast and slow at the same time. That chapter has closed, and now we open the next chapter.
I gotta say though, it is too quiet here without the office manager….
